This Is Going to Be a Good Book: Ezekiel 1 – 9

Psychedelic Calling. Utmost Responsibility. Curse to All!!!!!!!!!

With the states of Israel and Judah in exile and a reigning monster of Nebuchadnezzar at the helm, it is time for God to appoint a new prophet. And since the name of this book is “Ezekiel,” I have to imagine that this is our guy. As is standard rigmarole for Bible books based around a character, it begins with the calling of said character. So what does the call of Ezekiel look like?

I looked, and I saw a windstorm coming out of the north—an immense cloud with flashing lightning and surrounded by brilliant light. The center of the fire looked like glowing metal, and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures. In appearance their form was human, but each of them had four faces and four wings.

Ezekiel 1:4-6 (NIV)

Holy hell, Ezekiel, you’re not messing around! This sounds like its straight out of an acid trip, or Revelations, or the acid trip that inspired Revelations.

And he said to me, “Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.” (3:1)


But eating the word of God is the least of what God asks of Ezekiel. It seems He is sick to death of the crap that His people have done.

When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. (3:18)

Oof… This doesn’t look good for our new buddy Ezekiel. If God calls you to be a prophet, you become responsible for every soul that you reach (or don’t reach). Could you imagine being single-handedly responsible for the most rebellious generation ever conceived? If you have trouble conceptualizing that, imagine being single-handedly responsible for this generation, which is now the most rebellious generation ever conceived. I certainly would not want that responsibility.

But God goes on to describe the other sacrifices that Ezekiel must make:

  • His tongue will stick to the roof of his mouth while he is tied up so that he only speaks when God warrants it.
  • He must lie for 390 days lying on his left side, and then 40 days on his right (to symbolize the years of wickedness of Israel and Judah, respectively), eating a very specific and scarce diet.
  • He must cook his food on fire fueled by human excrement (though, this gets nixed shortly thereafter.

So far in this book, we have angels with four faces, a fire powered by crap, and a man eating a scroll that tastes like honey.

This is going to be a good book.

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